Artist statement(2005)
hello, my name is esther kim.
i like to draw. as you may have noticed i draw mainly females. i am a single young woman and like most people my age i am fascinated with being a young woman, who i am, who i want to be and how the world sees me(i'm guessing this self-fascination probably won't fade with age but i'll probably have more things to worry about by then so you'll hear about it less).

i started drawing about three years ago right about when i was really starting to formulate and incorporate different dialogues and ideas of what it means to be a woman in contemporary culture. this post-puberty second stage identity formation included my highly contrasting experiences of what it meant to be a young female in east asia and the united states. i would say from when i was sixteen to twenty-three years old(1996-2003). the differences are profound and mundane, to be utterly contradictory, but the combination was at times overwhelming. I was confused, insecure and ill-equipped for both cultures, any culture.

when i came back to the united states after living in japan for seven years in 1999 i was bewildered and utterly disappointed. it was the beginning of britney spears/christina aguilera mania and what some have begun to call a "girls gone wild" culture. it was my first introduction to the mtv-watching, pizza eating, pepsi-cola drinking college culture. i couldn't understand why wild, rule-breaking, club-going girls with breast implants seemed to reign on my college campus. in contrast although from a western point of view japan comes across as a very provocative and edgy culture there is still a strong sense of propriety. in terms of college students a majority commute to school from their homes, which makes for a quite a different collegiate experience. in japan the girls that are idolized are high school girls or young looking girls with a naive, innocent look. there seems to be a lolita aspect to what is considered attractive.

those are very mainstream ideals and are the tip of the iceberg in terms of the mixed messages young women are sent by society. but those were two strong currents that i felt.

these contradicting messages did not correlate with who i was and who i wanted to be. i had no desirable role models and felt disgusted by the influence of mainstream ideals on the interactions of young men and women. i expressed my frustration through drawing. it was a channel for my spiteful and bitter feelings. i wanted to draw unattainably attractive women and i had two different messages. i wanted the male viewer to sense that these beautiful women would never talk to them. it was my attempt to belittle them for wanting only attractive females and worshipping the surface over the inner. as for females i wanted them to enjoy the images for the fashion, color and unapologetic girlishness. i wanted to convey a sense of camaderie and celebration. but i also wanted to show the dichotomy of elation and emptiness of the sense of empowerment young woman get from being considered attractive. i think it can be poisonous and that it is ultimately unfulfilling on its own.

that's part of the reason why i started to draw and why i draw girls, women.
on a less serious note it's a lot of fun....

in recent years(this year?) i do feel the pendulum swinging towards a more intellectual climate. as they say "smart is the new pretty" and i am very heartened by that; even though it might just mean i am out of touch. but regardless i am past the heady days of collegiate self-formation. i'm twenty four now so i can deal better with what people send my way. mainly, through, i dare say, intelligence. people will be more careful with what they say if they know you are paying attention and can say something worthwhile.

so these days my drawings are motivated by different ideas. i'm trying to be less self-centered in my interests and yet remain personal and pertinent. i am turning inwards towards my own experiences but i remain close to pop culture. i am still fascinated by girlishness and femininity. i love shoes with bows on the toes and hearts and clouds and i love reading. i'm excited to see what direction this will all lead. for now i'll just keep on drawing.